a little help here, please
I'm working on a project for which I'll need to write a very short bio blurb about myself. I'm stumped. Does anybody have any suggestions? Here are some tidbits I've come up with so far that I'm trying to string into a cohesive paragraph.
1. Katie hasn't been crafting from a very young age. She started 3 weeks ago.
2. She studied art under Nina Boothe in 7th grade intro to art class and 8th grade ceramics class at Lake Highlands Junior High School, Dallas TX. Her pink coil pot is on display at the MOMA.
3. She received a degree in accounting from the University of Texas at Austin but gave up accounting to become a waitress.
4. She believes one can never have too many acrylic craft paints as long as they're all beige.
5. She was a muse to Karl Lagerfeld and lived on his yacht in the Mediterranean for several months, or maybe it was a year, she can't remember because of all the champagne.
6. She is also a Danish industrial designer named Edith.
7. She sometimes suffers from delusions. Probably inhaled too much beige craft paint.
8. Her professional dream is to be contacted by Simon Doonan to fabricate an objet for a Barneys window display. Maybe a papier mache Jackie O head. Or a plaster dachshund. Or a chair. Or all the characters from The Sound of Music made out of breakfast cereal.
9. Her personal goal is to remake every item in the current issue of Elle Decor out of hula hoops and mod podge.
10. She would rather craft than bathe.
Some of that is actually true! But, see? I'm too insane to write this bio blurb. Help me!
1. Katie hasn't been crafting from a very young age. She started 3 weeks ago.
2. She studied art under Nina Boothe in 7th grade intro to art class and 8th grade ceramics class at Lake Highlands Junior High School, Dallas TX. Her pink coil pot is on display at the MOMA.
3. She received a degree in accounting from the University of Texas at Austin but gave up accounting to become a waitress.
4. She believes one can never have too many acrylic craft paints as long as they're all beige.
5. She was a muse to Karl Lagerfeld and lived on his yacht in the Mediterranean for several months, or maybe it was a year, she can't remember because of all the champagne.
6. She is also a Danish industrial designer named Edith.
7. She sometimes suffers from delusions. Probably inhaled too much beige craft paint.
8. Her professional dream is to be contacted by Simon Doonan to fabricate an objet for a Barneys window display. Maybe a papier mache Jackie O head. Or a plaster dachshund. Or a chair. Or all the characters from The Sound of Music made out of breakfast cereal.
9. Her personal goal is to remake every item in the current issue of Elle Decor out of hula hoops and mod podge.
10. She would rather craft than bathe.
Some of that is actually true! But, see? I'm too insane to write this bio blurb. Help me!
I got nothing...but MAN do I wish I could be you. LOL
ReplyDeleteI think its brilliantly wityy and hilariously perfect as is- don't change a thing- there is nothing worse than a boring bio.
ReplyDeleteIt sounds like the introduction of a character in The Royal Tenenbaums (or any Wes Anderson movie, for that matter). Just print it in futura bold and you're all set!
ReplyDeleteHHHaahaha. My maiden name is Teter, and I used to joke about The Royal Teterbaums.
ReplyDeletehonestly, that's one of the funniest blurbs i've read in a while. keep it.
ReplyDeleteWord to the perfect bird.
ReplyDeleteAre you worried that it's not in paragraph form? Screw that! Leave it as is!
ReplyDeletekeep it like this!
ReplyDeleteSurely the truth is funny enough. Is it fair to guess that the Texas stuff runs truer? You are so witty that your bio will be charming no matter what you do.
ReplyDeleteYeah, the Texas stuff is more factually accurate than, say, the yacht part. In fact, did I say I was a muse to Karl Lagerfeld and lived on his yacht in the Mediterranean? That was a typo. I meant "I worked as an account temp at an insurance agency for a summer".
ReplyDeleteIt's perfect! The only thing you are missing is a reference to your trusty assistant Ms. Norwood. As it seems she's teetering on the edge of quitting again due to the latest breakroom debacle, it might be in your best interests.
ReplyDeletethis is hilarious!
ReplyDelete