I've chained myself to the kitchen table

with nothing but a pile of felt, a pair of scissors, and an iced coffee to keep me going. Do not let me get up until I produce something wonderful. Don't even read my posts, which I won't be posting because I can't reach my computer.
Ms. Norwood! Don't let me get up no matter how much I beg. Ms. Norwood! Where is she? She's got the key to the padlock. Crap.