Ms. Norwood's Guide to Hostess Gifts
Decapitated mouse head: A super luxe gift perfect for formal dinner parties.
Dead bird: A simple classic that will work in any situation.
June bug: Seasonal, festive, and delicious!
Crickets: An inexpensive, readily available option for casual affairs. Try grouping them into a bouquet!
Garter snake: Who wouldn't appreciate one of these? Take care not to accidentally bite the head off.
Above all, the best gift you can bring to a dinner party is your good manners. Remember, it's preferable to poop on the host's tiled floors rather than on carpets or rugs. Cheers!
I have been presented with all of these gifts as well as a dead frog, dead lizard and a live crawfish. Oh, and I almost forgot the baby bunny.
ReplyDeleteyou funny! love it.
ReplyDeleteGreat tips! Don't forget about presentation too. As a hostess, I prefer my decapitated mouse head carefully wrapped in the softest bed linens, preferably the sheets currently on my bed.
ReplyDeleteMrs. Norwood has impeccable taste.
ReplyDeleteWhat's her position on body parts, instead of the whole body? Lizard tail, preferably still twitching, is popular around here, but I'm not sure that it's acceptable everywhere.
If you need something at the last minute and don't have time to shop around, a nice fur ball is ALWAYS appreciated!
ReplyDelete@Anonymous & all: The fur ball, a gift from the (region of the) heart...Remember, handmade need not be homemade!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry to hear about Ms. Norwood, we won't be able to be updated on hostess gifts of the new eras to come. I fret that large gestures like a deer carcass is horridly outdated.
ReplyDeleteOur new guest leaves us his calling cards in unsuspecting dark spaces, like in the basement where the TV man was delighted to discover one when he was checking out the backside of the TV.