How To Build a Faux Fireplace

Step 1: Obsess about a blank space on your wall. Try for 5 years to figure out what to put there. Rearrange the furniture in attempts to draw attention to the big arch. Then away from it. Stick art, mirrors, tables, chairs there. Nothing looks right. What the F is supposed to go there? That's right. An F. A fireplace. It's the only answer. 

Step 2: Research the cost of having a fireplace built. The internet tells you that a real, wood burning fireplace with a chimney can cost upwards of $10,000. The internet never lies. Can you build one for around a hundred bucks? Give up all hope of ever having a fireplace. 

Step 3: Build one anyway. It will be faux. It will hold candles and fake bird eggs and that's all you really wanted anyway. A place to decorate. Internal debates of form vs. function melt away. The form is the function if the form makes you happy. And costs less than a hundred bucks. 

Step 4: Decide to make the whole thing as fireproof as possible anyway. You know the whole entire internet will criticize you for making a fire hazard death trap in your living room. But as Aristotle once tweeted, “To avoid criticism say nothing, do nothing, be nothing.” And as Dwayne Wade would say, "This is my house."

The base is a particular kind of drywall called X board. It has awesome fire resistance properties, which is why it was adopted by Professor Xavier in the first place.

Then you make a frame out of 2x4 studs. No, I don't have any dimensions or real instructions here because I was totally making this up as I was going along and I was trying to do it fast while Jon was out of town. You know those annoying husband questions..."Are you going to burn the house down blah blah blah". 

 Here's the frame sitting on the X board.

Now see what I did? I built an identical frame in front. And then stuck smaller 2x4 hunks between them to screw it all together nice and tight. 

And now look. See that white board that looks like cement backer board? It's cement backer board. Specifically, it's Durock NextGen. Costs about 8 bucks at the store, is very fire resistant, and when you screw it into place, it feels like you're screwing a saltine cracker to the wall. Very crumbly. But, like the X board, it's pretty cheap, offers awesome fire resistance, and cuts by scoring and snapping with a utility knife.

Then I cut a big piece of X board to cover up the front. Screwed it into the studs with drywall screws. The sides were some old panelling that I had in the garage. Starting to look like a fireplace now!

 This is the fun part. Adding molding and trim and tiles. This is where you can go nuts and make it pretty. I'm in love with egg and dart molding. And the tiles were inexpensive, ceramic 12x12 tiles that I cut down to size with a tile cutter. The mantle lifts off and on like a box lid, which is cool, because you have access to the two screws that hold the whole thing to the wall. Did I mention that? Oh yeah. I drilled 2 metal brackets into the interior 2x4 studs and then into the wall studs. The whole thing can be moved around if you ever want. The wall and floor are unharmed (except for 2 screw holes).

Then I "painted" the inside of the actual firebox part black with this stuff. This is also what I stuck the tiles on with. Very adhesive. Spreads on like peanut butter. Yum, tastes like fireproof! 

I grouted between the tiles with regular old Quikrete mortar. 

Are you still reading this? Wow! Thank you! I know these are crappy, vague, figure it out yourself kind of directions. Sorry about that. I just wanted anyone out there who wants to build a faux fireplace to know that it can be done. Just remember: this is decorative. It's not a functional fireplace. Be safe. Use appropriate materials. Don't light a real fire in it other than candles. Never leave burning candles unattended. And most important of all, don't burn your house down and blame me. I am not liable. Sorry if that sounds snappy. I just want you to be safe. And have pretty things.